Where To Begin?

Since my last post in September, a lot has changed. 

Ol' Boy (from this blog post) and the girl from Tulane don't talk to me anymore--nor have they for a while, really. It was for the best, though. Because I was starting to catch feelings for the both of them, and it would've broken my heart even more if we did have something that wasn't what I wanted. 

Ol' Boy did hit me up after I got out of quarantine though, and y'all already know my dumbass Ubered at 2am to his place.

In addition, I do have a new tattoo and piercing, simply because sometimes hooking up with people doesn't make you feel good afterwards. A new tattoo and piercing will make you feel good for as long as possible, because they make you look good, and that initial pain is all a part of the internal and actual healing process. 

The tattoo has been a whole summer in the making, and I finally got it a month ago. Literally, every time I look at it, I just fall in love with it and myself all over again. 

Okay, let's get to the juicy stuff, shall we? I know this is what y'all are here for. 

I had been talking to this kid from Tulane on Tinder (ugh, I know) for like three days, and he hit me up when I was in Arkansas with a friend of mine (who I have a massive crush on) (she had to go vote, and I wanted to escape New Orleans. Sue me.) As one does, we made plans to hook up when I got back.  

Let me make something clear in this post: When I'm horny and going through a drought, I will literally go to lengths to not get disgusted by a man. Even when I'm trying to have a civil conversation about the election and how like, stressful it was, and he says some shit like "If I need to punish you I could just turn on the election" and "What would you choose? The election or 50 spankings." In that moment I was ready to die. But my dumbass still went through with it. Two days after I had gotten back from Arkansas. I was not ready to face whoever this boy was cause, if you can't have a civil conversation with someone you're hooking up with, what on earth are you doing??

Anyways..back to the story. So I manage to sneak him into my dorm (when I had a whole philosophy paper due the day we hooked up and it was like 5pm and I was working on it while waiting for him to pull up) and we like start to uh...do things. Take a word of advice from me, if it starts off awkward, and it keeps getting more awkward when things are getting hotter and heavier, it's gonna be horrible, terrible, awful. In addition, he was all talk, and no do. I later discovered that he was this way because I was "too cute to hurt." like??? Literally shut up.  

Anyways, the whole encounter was super awkward, besides the post-coital cuddling, which was nice for a second, but then like the whole like small-talk thing was kind of strange. Anyways, he dipped after cuddling, and mind you, neither of us got off--cause we were both hopped up on stimulants (gotta love having ADD) and I just felt way too awkward to focus on even having an orgasm. Lowkey, the whole time we were doing it I just had a very quizzical look on my face (if you know me personally I'm so sorry you gotta picture this.)

I don't wanna get into the details of the do, but I really did feel like absolute shit afterwards, so I was scrubbing my skin raw and washing my sheets in the holiest of water (not really but) to cleanse myself of that sin. It was so bad that my roommate and her girlfriend had to comfort me with hot cocoa and many distractions of funny things as I sat on the dirty, carpeted living room floor just sobbing. This led me to getting a new piercing the next day, since I didn't want to feel any internal pain--but even then, I still felt internal pain--and re-evaluating my life a bit, since I came to a realization that I didn't want anything meaningless anymore. I just want to be loved, Damn it. I don't want to keep racking up bodies just cause it temporarily fills a void that has been empty for quite a while and I don't know what to fill the void with. 

Anyways, self-reflection aside, on that day, I decided to no longer have sex with anyone who didn't mean anything to me. Which was a total LIE. 

Stay tuned for the tea, once again. But as I've said previously, I regret dipping into the Tulane pool.

Be safe out there, y'all.